Tom Kennedy: Burt (Reynolds),
earlier in the week you told us you were half Indian. How do you spell
Reservation? (audience laughs)
Burt: I don’t think that’s
funny Tom.
Tom: No I don’t either.
Burt: Are you calling me a
name or something or what?
Tom: No sir.
Burt: Cause if you are, I’m
going to take your head off and spit in it. (Tom laughs) I really don’t like
that Tom. (Gets up)
Tom: Remember the day Jack
Palance did this? (Burt chases Tom right out of his podium and Tom loses his
mike in the process) Oh good ol lovable Burt. Either he’s crazy or I am.
Staff: Tom, Tom. We were
putting you on. This is not the first question. We were doing it for April
Fools. (To the celebs) Now would you come out and do that again?
Burt: I like that beginning.
Tom: Hold it, I got to go
change pants first.
Tom Kennedy is on Candid
Camera on It’s Your Bet
(To Tell The Truth is a
category in the front game.)
Dick Clark: Bill (Cullen),
didn’t you do that show?
Bill: Oh yes for seven, eight
years.
Dick: May I call to your
attention something that you may not be aware of. Here is a list of all the
game shows this man has done.
Listen to this in alphabetical
order, Bill Cullen Shows: Act It Out, Bank On The Stars, Blankety Blanks,
Blockbusters, Chain Reaction,
Child’s Play, Down You Go, Eye
Guess, Hot Potato, I’ve Got A Secret, The Joker’s Wild, The Love Experts,
Matinee In New York, Name That Tune,
Pass The Buck, Place The Face,
The Price Is Right, Password Plus, The $25,000 Pyramid, Three On A Match, To
Tell The Truth, Why?, Winner Take All, Winning Streak
And You’re Putting Me On!
(Crowd cheers) CAN’T YOU HOLD A JOB BILL?!!!
Bill: Not one of them lasted
more than 13 weeks.
Dick Clark runs down Bill
Cullen’s career on The $25,000 Pyramid
Tony: In the words of the late
Mel Allen, “How about that?”
Dusty: Yeah “Holy Cow!” Phil
Rizzuto.
Bobby: And like Harry Caray
says “I’ll have one.”
Tony Schiavone, Dusty Rhodes
and Bobby Heenan after the ***** Rey Mysterio Jr./Psychosis bout at Bash At The
Beach 7/7/96
Max Bygraves: Name something
people take with them to the beach.
Man: Turkey.
Max: The first thing you buy
at a supermarket.
Man: Uhhh turkey. (Laughs)
Max: A food often stuffed.
Man: Turkey. (Laughs)
I guess this man must love
Thanksgiving. Family Fortunes (UK version of Family Feud)
Bob Eubanks: What will your
husband say, what foreign country where the last car he bought was
manufactured?
Lady: United States
Bob: What foreign country?
Lady: Texas.
Bob: Texas! (Laughs)
Obviously this lady flunked
Geography. The Newlywed Game
Richard Dawson: Name an animal
with 3 letters in its name.
Old Man: Alligator.
Um he said 3 letters not 9.
Family Feud
(Fast money round)
Richard Dawson: Name an
article of clothing children that are always losing.
Man: Their pants.
Richard: The price of a dozen
roses
Man: $1.75
Richard: Besides a bird,
something in a birdcage.
Man: Hamster
Richard: A popular-- (breaks
down and the clock is stopped.) (To someone offstage) Make a note of this show.
(Tries to continue but can’t stop giggling.) He’s answering with a smile on his
face.
You can bet this man wasn’t
smiling when he saw the results of these answers. Family Feud.
Kennedy: Jeff, you went friend
so either you are taking home that $1600 or your friend Julian here is taking
everything. (Julian) You went foe!!
Jeff: F---! F---! F---!
Kennedy: We actually have to
beep that because we can’t say that on TV. Are you disappointed Jeff?
Jeff: Yeah man. I f--- f---
you know. F---! What the f---? Dude I trusted you!
Kennedy: Thank you Quentin
Tarintino!
Jeff: I’m gonna keep saying
f--- till I calm down.
Kennedy: Thank you for joining
us. We’ll see you next time where knowledge can make you money and money can
make you a Friend or Foe.
Jeff: F---!
A sore loser on Friend Or Foe
Joe Garigiola: Kitty
(Carlisle) How did you vote?
Kitty: I went for number 2. I
don’t think a bird like that would cost 50 to 200 dollars even though he could
talk a little bit.
Joe: Ok. Bill Cullen
Bill: You know we have a rule
on this show that if we had seen some of the people on the show, whether they
are right or wrong we can question but not vote. Well I have to disqualify
myself because I met one of those gentlemen in the men’s room. Which uh…
Peggy Cass: What does that got
to do with it?
Bill: Well I want you to know
where I met the man. Because you might--
Kitty: How did you know he was
a real person?
Joe: How do you answer Kitty’s
question?
Kitty: How did you know he was
a real one?
Bill: He had his bird in his
hand.
Bill Cullen shares an
unpleasant experience on To Tell The Truth
“Coming soon to a theater near
you, RAMBO KILLS EVERYONE!!!!! See Rambo shoot your best friends. See him kill
you!
See Rambo shoot everyone in
the whole world without having to reload his machine gun once. RAMBO KILLS
EVERYONE!!!!!”
Les Lye, Censorship episode of
You Can’t Do That On Television
“GOOOOOOOOD MORNING VIETNAM!! Hey this is not a test, this is Rock and Roll! Time to rock it from the Delta to the DMZ!”
Robin Williams